dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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