i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
