I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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