I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
