What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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