guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
