You made me cry and you don't even care
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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