Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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