Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
