she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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