I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
