Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
