Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
