Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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