it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
