I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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