She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
