I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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