In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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