You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
