yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
