After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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