I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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