Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
