Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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