About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
