Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
