bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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