my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she looked like the before picture.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
