someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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