i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
