Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
