I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize