real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i out mim tonsoeep
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
