You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
