what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize