so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
