Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
