cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she told me i tasted like america
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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