First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
