i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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