The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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