I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
