its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
