We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
