a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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