Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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