I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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