Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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