Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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