very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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