am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
