That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
