some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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