Your mouth is God's brothel.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
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she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
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Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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