I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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